COURTNEY LOATHE...ERR.. LOVE.

Im probally going to be beaten up and shot by mrs cobains famous gang of toughnuts who bash up people who dont say nice things about the woman they call 'the boss' (allegedly) for writing this. for once, 'zero hour' is going to use the mainstream media and the usual gossip that does the rounds about different 'stars' at different times, we dont claim that any of the below is true but its a fun read anyway..hopefully.
ms love's problems with the press began before her husband's record company had even thought of stripping the vaults of unreleased nirvana demo's, no sooner had the 'scene of crime' photo of the deceased kurt's deck shoe and bloodstained leg been shown and put on t-shirts as well as cobains suicide letter doing the rounds (also ending up on tastless t-shirts), this along with lots of 'unnamed sources' (american for 'made it up!') were questioning courtneys suitability as a mother due to her drug abuse,violence and out of control ego, it was supposedly this that was what was depressing cobain so much, this led on naturally (to the nutters of this world) to the assumption that it was cobain's 'secret' upcoming custody trial (that love was worried she was to lose) that led to her killing, or at least ordering the killing of cobain. then there was the rumour that kurt had had enough of waking up in the morning to see his wife , clothes half torn off, black eyes, unbearable snoring,stubble and smudged make up that made her look more like rob zombie than his wife that was making his marriage unhappy, all this rumour mongering was sweet revenge on the zillions of people she had pissed off sinse becoming well known. A film was even made that hinted at her being involved in kurts bedroom repainting attempt. this rumour along with the one about her being an unfit mother dogged her for some years, it wasnt helped by courtney staggering in then out of places with a face full of smudged make up, honking armpits, hair stinking of j.d's and threatening to fight the world every now and then (but then, what mother doesnt deserve a night off, especially when her time has consisted of shouting and hitting the babysitter all week?). after a while the press, music and otherwise, caught on to a bigger story thanks to a member of the bush families best friends and business buddies the bin ladens. after that there was a lull in the love camp and then, duh-duh! out came a new courtney, clean and serene and looking.. err...better. (the intervening drug and public order busts plus her promise to stay away from drugs lest she goes to prison must of helped in a way, because she wouldnt last a night in an american womens prison, and she knew it). so for a while courtney was being seen around town with film and music stars male and female, rumours were even beginning to circlulate about romances between her and some of hollywoods leading men, but then suddenly she started to wobble off the side of the wagon until she fell off, and as she fell was driven under its wheels as it rolled along, her septum straining under the effort and her rectum getting blown the stevie nicks treatment big style.
within weeks she had somehow stopped being friends with lots of her new mates and was back to her old ways of slagging everyone off coked and smacked up till the cows come home (ah, there's nothing like the old ways), she was photoed falling out of cars half naked, being kicked out of clubs, falling in and out of clubs. the old courtney was back.
one incident that will for ever stick out in my mind was her hassling 'american history x' star Edward norton for sex as he was getting into a waiting limo to take him back to his..whatever for the night, and the thing was, he wasnt alone during this 'incident', he was in fact in the company of sexy actress selma hayek. the pair couldnt have known what to think as they were chased into a waiting car by her monsterous visage, then watching in horror as she scratched and screeched at the car door windows and tried to force her way in the car,
finally as it sped off at a 'di' killing speed, courtney stood in the middle of the road in a torn dress and tights, covered in champagne, dirt, smeared make up and piss covered legs, surrounded by a large watching slackjawed crowd, and she none the less stood there ignoring the crowd while screaming at the car that if he (norton) was going to ignore her sexual advances then "he would never work in this town again".
Then after the odd track marked (allegedly) photo, all seemed quiet, and then came the untimely death of joe strummer.
Joes death was a surprise to everybody and he was a genuinly nice person who, like jello biafra would if you had something to say, listen to you. and was respected in and out of the music biz. so it goes without saying that his funeral would be a sombre event to mark the passing of a 20th century pop culture icon. and all the guests treated the event with the respect the occasion deserved..almost, ms love it seemed was so stricken with grief that she had to help herself to a few drams of 'dutch courage' before the funeral.
by the time the assembled crowd entered the church ms love was (allegedly) already slouched out on the family seats in a somewhat tired and emotional state, and despite her not being joe's best friend by any stretch of the imagination, she proceeded to loudly gnash and wail her teeth the loudest about her lost 'friend'. you can just imagine her slobbering over the family seats with bad drink breath while her face and teeth were dirty and covered in smeared bright red lipstick and her dress was revealing one naked scratched and dirty breast while her torn dirty white dress revealed her lack of underwear, at the 'wake' afterwards courtney staggered up to anyone who was unlucky enough to catch her eye and proceeded to drawl and slur out the words about how "joe was my inspiration and there is never gunna be another in the world like him ever" poor joes young kids ,they were said to have been traumatised by 'that scary lady with the smudged clown make up' for weeks.
And then things died down a little bit, she was seen out and about but nothing much came of it, apart from her seemingly inflated lips and the subtle change in her facial features, had the 'queen of grunge' actually gone and had plastic surgery? after all a life time of abuse wouldnt of left her in the best of shape looks wise, and she can afford it, after all she does have kurts millions to play with. and look what it has netted her? none other than top sex god and human donkey MR Steve coogan himself, yes, he of alan (aaah-haaa) partridge fame. how they ever met is a mystery to me, mind you mr coogan is a bit of a secretive man so who knows what or who he's into?
of course none of the above could be true as i got all the information from magazines such as the notionally enquired and their type, plus i heard some of it by word of mouth so none of it could be true, in which case we apologise to ms love unconditionally, but then again it may be all true in which case we say that its time she thought about her child 'soya bean' or whatever its called. and remember this, all kids are embarrassed by their parents, so imagine what its like having her as a mother? poor sod.