THE NAME WAS CRASS, DADDIO.

THE NAME WAS CRASS, DADDIO.
Hello good evening and...oh sod that, hello.
welcome to zero hour's punk blog site, were not here to provide you with all the latest gig news and such because there is already a million web sites out there doing it, and sinse i dont happen to be in a band or own a record company i doubt i would get the news to you any faster than those slick 'punk sites' do so the blog site is going to carry on in the spirit of the A4 paper zine.
one story that sadly missed publication (between issues i believe they say) was the contact 'we' had with the legendary leaders of the flower punk revolution and bastions of moral purity 'CRASS'- or as the flyers said 'THE CRASS COLLECTIVE' (ooo!).
my first encounter was at the last day of a 'month' of punk films shown at a cinema i cant remember the name of. all of CRASS'S films were played (they used to show them as the band played, and this was the first time they had ever been shown out of that context). all was going fine, one film was even shown as a CRASS LP was played with it, then we were treated to some poetry from various people, including ex-crass members, but with CRASS you have to expect a bit of that, then some drums etc were set up and me and my mate sat up, "ooh, ooh, what songs do you think they will play?" asked my mate, how would i know?, it was then we were treated to a barrage of freeform jazz. after that it was back to the films and lots of repeated shots of a typical 1970's family sitting down to dinner intercut with shots of animals being slaughtered, marching nazis, their camp victims and shots of 1970's londoners walking down the street, these same shots seemed to play again and again because during the segment of walking londoners i couldnt but notice not just the fashions but one mans huge kipper tie in particular. i must have seen that kipper tie about 10 times, bloody massive it was. then.. more freeform jazz. one cider bottle weilding punk shouted his disgust and staggered out, whew, a light moment.
Despite the shows flyers being totally in the likeness of all of CRASS'S flyers, all we actually got of crass (apart from a played lp and out of context films) was a gutair/vocals version of 'hello hero, hero hello' (which i have to admit was good). it was then back to some more jazz and then it was over. and i had to get up early on a sunday morning for that.
"Well, i dont think i'll be going to anymore of their gigs, im not a fan of jazz" i was telling another mate when she replied "oh no, dont tell xxxx coz hes got you a ticket for a CRASS gig". "what?" i answered "show me the flyer" and there is was, a flyer just like the old ones i have at home, the flyer bore all the hallmarks of a typical CRASS gig flyer "just keep quiet" i was told "coz xxxx has paid for all of our tickets as a treat"
The venue was at a club called 'the vortex' "ooh, just like the old punk club" someone said, so i tried my best to put the freeform jazz out of my mind and hoped for the best, when we arrived we found the crowd very well dressed, at first we just assumed the gig was full of ex fans who had done well for themselves. we took a table and waited, all around us people were eating dinner from a menu that was priced from £20 and up "a bit odd, not very anarchistic prices are they" i said, recieving a boot in the shin. the night was filled with various ex-CRASS members going through their own short jazz routine during which we were told to stop talking because we were "interferring with peoples good time" and then... CRASS vocalist Steve ignorant came on in a lovely powder grey suit (that i thought a bit too big for him) and began to croon, in the same way as dean martin or frank sinatra used too, for me and another in our group this was the funniest thing we had seen in ages and tried our hardest to stifle our laughter, all the while steve crooned his way through the song 'alfie' (from the michael caine film of the same name) it was just as steve (who had renamed himself 'steve elloquent' or something like it , for the evening) was finishing his first song that we were asked politly but firmly to leave, this we did, making far more noise than we had while seated. ive avoided similar looking flyers sinse. so heres a lesson for you- avoid crass if you dont like jazz and dont smile or laugh if you do.
of course punk and jazz has a mixed history, the stooges incorperated it into their music very well and so did the velvet underground, its when bands like crass and flux of pink indians took it up that things went wrong you just couldnt mix jazz of any kind with the marching punk of the afore mentioned bands, it just didnt work. sorry chaps.