EMAILS? ELECTRONIC BOG WIPE!

Every now and then i check the zero hour email address in case i find a message from someone (thustrying to prove that at least one person has read my blogzine), yet everytime i check onto my mail i am bombarded with email after email trying to sell me viagra or massivly overpriced valium, the emails are of such a poor quality that even should i want these 'products' i would not use the services of these charlatans.
I have tried everything i can think of to get these pests to leave me alone, to the viagra emailers i even offered to go round to their offices and personally anally butt fuck every person there male and female, i even offered to shag everything that moves in their building and show just what a full time rutting ram i really am if it would proove that i was not in need of their products, but this has not been answered and has all been to no avail because im still recieveing the things on an almost daily basis, even my threats to "come round with the lads and do you all in" has'nt stopped them (probally because i have no way of finding out the address of the sender, oh well, nice idea).
And as for the valium pushers (what next? afghan's finest sold by the gramme?) well like the viagra sellers above i tried everything, even replying to every email with rude and/or obscene messages to pointing out that they are trying to sell a product that is less than half price on the black market street drugs world. of course it made no difference, these people who are behind emails of this kind remind me of those religion lovers who keep coming to your doorstep after you have asked them to leave (sometimes shouted to them to leave), you know, the ones who just stand there smiling and ready to sell the exact same product in the same way despite past warnings not to come back.
smiling and standing there in front of your door as you hide behind the sofa for 20 minutes, you hoping their waiting doesnt clash with an old friends first visit for a few years, what do you do if he comes when the good loonies are still there? do you sacrifice losing the opportunity to see your old friend or do you pretend you were out back and didnt hear them knock in which case you would have to engage the loonies as they tell you that "YOU ARE IN DENIAL OF THE LORD AND SHOULD REPENT BEFORE HE CASTS YOU DOWN AND LETS YOU BURN IN HELL, OH AND HE DOTH LOVETH YOU!" its a no win situation, just like the fucking viagra emails, and i suppose the valium is for relaxing with after?