THE REAL WORLD

I'M POSTING THIS 'ARTICLE' FROM NONE OTHER THAN THE BAGHDAD CAFE NO LESS (AND AM TRYING TO GET THE LYRICS OF 'ROCK THE CASBAH' FROM MY HEAD), BUT THANKS TO THE TEENAGER NEXT TO ME DOWNLOADING POP OFF LIME WIRE I'M DOING O.K, OH, AND IM ALSO OPPOSITE A PUB CALLED THE 'CHIPPENHAM' WHERE THE 101ERS USED TO PLAY ON A REGULAR BASIS (AND THIS CAFE IS ON THE STREET WHERE THE 101ERS ALSO LIVED, THATS MY 'STRUMMER ' BRAGGING OVER WITH!

ANYWAY, "WHY ARE YOU NOT AT YOUR NORMAL COMPUTER?" I DON'T HEAR ANYONE SAY? WELL, AS SOME NAUGHTY SO AND SO WILL KNOW, ZERO HOUR HAS HAD A VIRUS SENT TO IT VIA ITS EMAIL ADDRESS (THANK YOU CHAPS, AND I'M SURE AS SOON AS THE CIA LETS YOU OUT OF PRISON YOU WILL GET A GOOD JOB WORKING FOR THEM AT THEIR HUGE COMPUTER CENTER, SPYING ON EVERYDAY FOLKS AND THE MUNDANE RUBBISH THEY WRITE (SEE ZERO HOUR!) THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT THIS KEYBOARD IS IN ARABIC AS WELL AS BEING IN ENGLISH AND SOME OF THE KEYS ARE IN A DIFFERENT PLACE AND THE CAPITAL/LOWER CASE BUTTON DOESN'T WORK SO WELL, I'M NOT TRYING TO SHOUT AT YOU!

THE REASON I'M POSTING THIS ARTICLE (APART FROM NOT GOING TO SEE THE SKA-TELLITES MYSELF BUT LEAVING THE REVIEWING TO ONE OF ZERO HOUR'S INTREPID HELPERS (WHO IS ALREADY THERE ALL WET -AND RAT ARSED PISSED I BET) IS BECAUSE IVE NOT BEEN VERY WELL AS OF LATE AND HAVE HAD TO LAY ON MY BED IN A KIND OF MISSIONARY POSITION, THUS CAUSING ME TO BECOME VERY BORED AND FRUSTRATED (AS CAN BE SEEN BY THE REPETITION OF CERTAIN SUBJECTS BELOW).

BUT HAVING THE TV FOR COMPANY HAS LED TO TWO THINGS TO STICK IN MY HEAD AS THE REST OF THE SHIT I WOULDN'T NORMALLY WATCH FLEW BY.

THE FIRST IS A TV AD FOR A SATELLITE DIRECTION BOX THAT YOU HOLD IN YOUR HANDS WHILE YOU WALK DOWN THE ROAD AND THE MACHINE MAGICALLY TELLS YOU WHAT STREET YOU ARE WALKING IN, NOW, I DON'T THINK ITS TOO MUCH TROUBLE TO LOOK AT STREET SIGNS IS IT? AND NEEDING A BOX TO TELL YOU WHERE YOU ARE WALKING SEEMS A BIT OF A WASTE OF CASH TO ME (PLUS SAVES YOU FROM WALKING INTO TREES AND LAMPPOSTS!).

AND THE SECOND AND PROBALLY THE WORST STATEMENT IVE HEARD IN A LONG TIME IS THE STATEMENT THAT CAME OUT OF THE MOUTH OF THE WOMAN WHO SOME CALL 'PEASANT SPICE', THE WOMAN WHO'S JOB IT IS IS TO HANG OFF HER MORE FAMOUS HUBBY, SHE WAS HEARD BY ME TO MOAN ON TV "WHAT A HARD LIFE IT IS BEING FABULOUS", WHAT!?! WAS SHE TAKING THE PISS? I THINK HER LACK OF STICK THIN NUTRITION IS TO BLAME, IT SOUNDS LIKE HER 'DIET (OR LACK OF IT IS AFFECTING HER THOUGHT PROCESS), I CAN ONLY PUT IT DOWN TO THAT BECAUSE I DON'T THINK SHE IS SO FABULOUS MYSELF.

ANYWAY, TIMES UP AND I HAVE TO GET HOME AND GET THESE WET CLOTHES OFF AND LAY ON MY FUCKING BED ALL DAY AGAIN!
BUT IT WILL HELP TO MAKE ME FEEL WELL ENOUGH TO GO TO SEE THE RUTS/ROLLINS AND CO GIG I HOPE, BOLLOCKS, EVEN IF I FEEL LIKE SHIT I'M STILL GOING, AFTER ALL IVE NOT GOT AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
SO, IN FINISHING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY SEE YOU TOMORROW AT THE 'ISLINGTON ACADEMY' (IT IS A COLLEGE) ITS THE OLD ROCKET CLUB THAT'S PART OF THE ATTACHED SCHOOL.
TA RA.
AND BY THE WAY VIRUS NERDS, ZERO HOUR HAS THE FREE USE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT COMPUTER GEEK IN THE WORLD (SORRY 'GEEZER', I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID GEEK) AND I WILL BE USING INTERNET CAFES TILL ANY BUGS ARE FOUND HIDDEN AWAY IN THE COMPUTER'S SYSTEM SOMEWHERE DESPITE HAVING ALREADY SORTED THE COMPUTER SO THAT I CAN GET ON-LINE AGAIN, BUT ITS BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.
P.S WHY WERE YOU ALL NOT IN CHURCH TODAY PRAYING TO SAINT SWITHIN NOT TO LET IT RAIN FOR 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS? WHAT ELSE DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT WAS SO IMPORTANT EH?
BYE BYE