"NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW THIS"

I know that the headline is a cliche so overused it has holes in it but i couldn't think of anything else fitting enough.
As you may have guessed it is about MICHAEL CAINE the actor, its not his acting this article is about though, no, what this is about is how CAINE has now become 'MIX MASTER MAURICE' on the wheels of steel and has released his own album of 'block rocking beats', well, he has released an album of what he calls 'chill out' 'choons'.
The album is made up of middle of the road ballads and sloppy songs that you would expect to hear in the backround to a shit romantic comedy at the 'tender love scene'.
MICHAEL has called the album 'CAINE' and features a photo of the man taken more than thirty five or forty years ago and claims was the brainchild of a lunch date he had with one ELTON JOHN in nice.
The thing that i always think of whenever CAINE is mentioned is the line that he came up with while being interviewed some time ago where he said that 'anyone can become a millionaire, they just have to work hard enough like I did, and he is proof that all you need to do is work very hard and the millions will come rolling in, and he "used to have paper bags for shoes for school", clearly CAINE'S grip on the realities of life have swept past him without him seeing, because if it really was that easy then we would all be named in DE-BRETTS annual list of rich piggies, even his 'hard working working class family' (who didnt go on to become millionares each, maybe they didnt work hard enough either), either that or CAINE doesnt have a clue about life in the real world, his only glimpse coming from the luxery des-res in his eightieth floor suite in canery wharf. but lets see how MIX MASTER MAURICE rocks the blocks with his own album of mash up beats and 'four to the floor' choons inna mix-max up stylee (for those who dont know, CAINES real name is MAURICE MICKELWHITE which explanes the DJ name).
"So for those who like to 'drop' some pills and go 'radio rental' on the dance floor, while the wheels of steel are being spun you know the score, mix master maurice fills the floor wid a sound dats pure, one you cant ignore or you get a cap from a 44' oh yeah."
sorry, that was me imagining a 'rap' that might appear on a record made by him.
what a joke.