GOD WAS A BRITISH SPY, honest!

News has reached ZERO HOUR that former spy and the MI6 whistle blower DAVID SHAYLER, has, since his release from prison where he was imprisoned for exposing state secrets including an MI6 operation to kill COLONEL GADDAFI, come to realise that he is in fact THE MESSIAH reborn.
It seems that the once obese spy has now trimmed down and has adopted a uniform of all white (SHAYLER has apparently said that DAVID ICKE and his shiny purple outfits were "a cosmic fashion gaffe"), the deluded ex would be '007' claims that he is a re-incarnation of an ancient Jewish revolutionary called ASTRONGES (who was strung up Jesus like by the Romans in the 1st century b.c) "which explained why i had funny shaped ankles and wrists" said the man in white (of course what else could it of been? why didn't the doctors notice that?).
SHAYLER found all this out when he visited a phychic last June "who channelled the spirit of MARY MAGDALENE who anointed me as the new Messiah", SHAYLER also claims that MOSES brother used to carry round a staff on which was written the words 'DAVID SHAYLER, righteous king' in a Hebrew anagram, now thats thinking ahead!
And our new 'lord on earth' has been making a tidy sum of cash for himself in AMERICA (a.k.a the new soddom and gomorrah according to some) by touring the lecture circuit claiming the U.S GOVERNMENT brought down the twin towers using missiles that were disguised as aeroplanes by holograms! why did no-one notice this?
The 'god-head' also claims to have thwarted the failed London bombings in the summer by the power of his god given mind.
SHAYLER (or 'my lord' as I'm sure he would like to be known) says that he has also lived many times and can remember when he was, among others, SOCRATES, PYTHAGORAS, MARK ANTHONY (who shagged CLEOPATRA), LEONARDO DA VINCI, GEORGE WASHINGTON and LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, "what I'd say to people is: do i look mentally ill? do i sound mentally ill?
My answer is yes, and yes.
Why are these people never the re-incarnation of a plague victim, a grave robber or just a plain muck spreading peasant no-body who never did anything other than beat the wife'n'kids, and sow seeds in his field?.
Anyway, its good to know that the men in the shadows who 'protect' us and keep us safe in our beds at night without getting us blown up have either got the greatest ally in history (what country can lose when god is incarnated on earth and fighting its corner?).
Or, are we secretly run by a bunch of mad deluded fuckers? (we've had no shortage of 'em, like the Manchester top cop who thought GOD spoke to him regarding police tactics, and the southern one who said the same, as well as M.P'S who have also made divine claims of a 'hotline' to god).
All of a sudden things don't seem as...safe as they did ('safe' being a relative word).
And the maddest thing about this is that it is all true!