."one is very pretty oh so very pretty, ones vacant..."

Have you seen the live film of the ISLE OF WIGHT FESTIVAL that's been going out on the TV this weekend? No? Shame, because if you did you would understand what a hoot it is to have DAME JOANNY ROTTEN and the rest of the SEX PISTOLS appearing there, athough to be honest it looked more like they were playing live at the CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW, the crowd are all very very nice and were sure to have brought the right flavour of Chianti to swill as they 'got on down' in the 'mosh box' (mosh box's are places that people can go to when they want to mash it up in painless style and comfort), i tuned into watch some of the festival and was very pleased to see that all the festival goers were wearing sensible clothes and had the correct camping equipment, and i do hope that everyone was impressed with the festivals quota of 'authentic festi' freaks, one was dressed very cosmicly indeed, like Buzz Lightyear in fact, and the other was wrapped in tin foil, and both were, predictably, on stilts (very counterculture whatto), rumours that the one in foil was later chased by three hackney crusties are being strenuously denied by the festival organisers and police (boom boom).

But really, can DAME JOAN and the band really expect their "fuck the shitstem" rhetoric to stand up in front of a teeming crowd of Jasper's and Jemimah's in green wellington boots and cotton rich pullovers?

i wonder, is there was any desperate souls sitting in the porto'loos, sweating as they look down at what they have in their lap, nervously but hungrily still. There is a bang on the porto'loo door "hurry up i wanna piss" cries the voice, "shit!", there's no time, it all has to be 'done' at once, so, with beads of sweat on the brow, Bamber opens up his ...gullet, and stuffs all the strawberries and cream he possibly could down his gluttonous throat. His appetite now sated, Bamber wipes the sweat from his brow and makes himself look normal, he cant well just let everyone know that hes a greedy bastard now can he?

I mean, apart from not appearing to play the 'game', what would mummy say?

Ha, the best thing on TV all year!